Saturday, January 29, 2005

A little update

Ah, I understand a little better now. Got a copy of the motion my wife filed. She is trying to get an order before judgement giving her child support, alimony and payment of household expenses. I'm still wondering if she has been told anything about the Guardian Ad Litem.

I found an interesting bit of information on the web tonight concerning false allegations of domestic abuse:

Domestic Violence, Female Style

"Reputation ruining" via false accusations of abuse

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Thomas Kiernan, author of Citizen Murdoch (as well as 25 other books), reported in the New Jersey Law Journal his experience attending four different seminars for wives contemplating divorce. He reported that in all four cases, a female lawyer conducted the seminar and "recommended, with knowing winks and smirks, the 'advantages' of 'establishing' or 'creating' a 'record' of spousal violence, whether true or not, prior to the filing of a divorce complaint." 84

What upset Kiernan was that a law designed to prevent domestic violence (the Prevention of Domestic Violence Act) was openly being used to falsely accuse men of spouse abuse. But the devastation to a man's reputation and career is the less important consequence. The false accusation allows the woman to obtain the children because the father is a suspected abuser. The false accusation also justifies a woman being able to obtain an emergency restraining order to kick a man out of his home prior to the commencement of divorce proceedings, thereby also increasing her likelihood of obtaining the children because they are "living with the mother now and stability dictates their remaining with the mother."

But this is what most astonished Kiernan:

"the number of women attending the seminars who smugly — indeed boastfully — announced that they had already sworn out false or grossly exaggerated domestic-violence complaints against their hapless husbands, and that the device worked! To add amazement to my astonishment, the lawyer-lecturers invariably congratulated the self-confessed miscreants."

Unsubstantiated and false accusations of spouse abuse or child abuse ruin a man's reputation even if he is ultimately found to be innocent.

Why are men so damaged by "reputation ruining"? Men's ability to earn leads to their ability to gain love. Destroying earning potential means destroying love potential. Observe how frequently a man will die from a heart attack or cancer — or just commit suicide — shortly after his reputation is ruined. Yet these deaths are recorded as heart attacks, not husband abuse. And not murder.


84. Thomas Kiernan in the "Voice of the Bar," the letter-to-the-editor section of the New Jersey Law Journal, April 21, 1988, p. 6. Kiernan said "these events were advertised under such titles as 'Women's Strategies For Divorce' and 'Women: Know Your Rights In Divorce.'"