Tuesday, February 22, 2005


Today was not a good day. Let's start with yesterday, however. I got a call in the afternoon from my attorneys office to remind me to be in court early the next day, no later than 9:15. "What's this?" I ask. "A court date tomorrow? I don't know anything about this - better check all the paperwork and letters from my attorney. "

I checked everything and found nothing referencing a hearing today. So I called the attorneys office, surprised they were working on Presidents Day. The paralegal I spoke to said she wasn't aware of how I was informed, but she thought my attorney had talked to me on the phone. She explained that I needed to be there early, but she didn't know what the hearing was for.

So what's the big deal? Normally it wouldn't be a big deal, but I was scheduled to be working with my manager - I'm in outside sales and every so often you have to do that. So I had to call my manager and let him know that I would have to meet him later, which he accepted with no problem.

So this morning I trekked to the courthouse and got there at the appointed time, still having no idea why I was there. I finally met with my attorney and she explained things. It seems we had to sign up for mediation, and not the mediation we had spoken about before. This was for visitation and custody. It seems my wife had decided I should not get any more visitation time, forcing us into mediation.

Now before I get much further, I want to remind you that when everything went down she opposed me having visitation at all. All she would say was that she was "afraid", though she wouldn't elaborate on what she was afraid of. That got squashed and I got some visitation, though less than what I wanted.

Fast-forward to several weeks ago when my attorney gets told by her (new) attorney that she is suspicious of me because I had not tried to expand the amount of visitation. "Suspicious of what?" you might ask. I wish I could tell you. My attorney explained to her attorney that despite what he might have been told I had in fact wanted more visitation, but that his client had opposed it. That was news to him. She explained that it was time to decrease the amount of money I was paying to my wife and that I wanted more visitation. My wifes attorney was very agreeable to it all.

So back to today. My wife, when presented with the proposed visitation schedule, refused. She's now suspicious about the fact that I want more visitation. "Suspicious of what?" you might ask. Again, I wish I could tell you. My wife was not present for this session, which was basically an interview to be placed into the mediation program. I was asked about what the issues were, and I said that it was visitation (this was all the mediation was for right now). Her attorney jumped in and said that he felt that my wifes refusal was due to "clouding" of her decision by my move. The "move" being me finding a place to live after my wife made up her story and had me removed from our condo. She was livid about that "move" - although the only alternative would have been for me to continue to stay with friends (which I had done for about a month). Her attorney explained that she would probably come around after one session.

So, let's review:

1. Opposes visitation because she is "afraid"
2. Tells attorney that she is suspicious of me because I am not asking for more visitation
3. When presented with a new visitation plan, refuses, because she is suspicious

Afterward, I headed to go and meet my manager. As I drove I fought a losing battle to keep my calm. Why? Because I'm sick of her bizarre behavior. I had just spent the entire morning in court because of my wifes strange suspicions. I had to call my manager and rearrange both our days. I estimate it cost me between $600-700 in attorneys fees alone. And for what? Even her attorney thought the proposed visitation was reasonable. Here's a clue: When your attorney has to make excuses for you, you might want to think about your behavior.

Now I have to deal with the consequences. I had a horrible day with my manager - I couldn't concentrate and it showed. On top of that, today of all days I needed my concentration, as I was visiting a very important account. My manager was not pleased with my performance today, and he was justified. That doesn't mean he was angry - he's been very empathetic and understanding - I could not ask for a better person to have as a manager. As a person who has been in a management position before I have to say that I admire how he has handled everything. That didn't make the conversation we had to have at the end of the day any easier.
The stress of it all really got to me. I've been brought to tears about the whole thing a couple of times, mostly on the way home, but sitting here typing has brought it back too. It was about a 2 hour drive home from the account, thankfully it gave me time to calm down some before I got home.

What do you do in this kind of situation? She's definitely got some mental health issues, and I've got to find ways to keep it from affecting my life more than it already has. I can't afford to have it affect my job performance anymore, if for no other reason than I have a son to support. I want to see my son more - I've done nothing and just by voicing these stupid suspicions she can interfere with it.

Right now I think I can assume one of two things: Either I'm paying back karma at a vastly accelerated rate or I've offended not just one, but at least three pantheons of Gods.