Sunday, February 20, 2005

I Miss My Son

I'm a little depressed today - I had planned to do a whole bunch of stuff today and have gotten next to nothing done. Maybe it's that I've had very little to eat today. I've basically spent most of the day watching television. Maybe I needed a day like today to just zone out, to just sit and feel sorry for myself and get it all out of my system. I just ordered some food for delivery so maybe once I get some into me I'll feel better.

I saw my son yesterday and that was a very good time. I miss him, and I think that's part of what's bothering me today. He was thrilled to see me, he just started smiling and laughing. He used to get a little upset because he didn't want to leave his mother, but he's gotten much better. We went to go and get something to eat, and despite the fact that he'd already eaten lunch he ate a bunch anyway. N (the woman I'm dating) got him a toy truck (isn't she sweet?) and I gave it to him. It was a a semi truck with a trailer, and he loved it! The trouble was that it was very fragile. In the first five minutes several pieces of it had already fallen off. He was having the best time with it, but it was apparent that he couldn't keep it. Tiny little pieces of it kept falling off and to call it a choking hazard would be an understatement. As we got up to leave I "accidentally" left it on the table and told the owner (quietly) that I was doing it on purpose so he wouldn't come running out with it.

We went into Starbucks and sat down in the same comfortable chair where we napped the last time we were there. He was nowhere near tired, though. I sat him down in the chair and went and got in line. I basically stood in line backwards so I could watch him and wave back at him. He yelled out "Hi Daddy!" and waved, and the whole store started laughing. Then he decided that he no longer wanted to sit in the chair - as I watched he got down and ran up to where I was standing. When I got my drink we went back over to the chair and sat down. He got down again and went to sit in the other chair. He looked so cute just sitting there smiling. We started playing a game where he would throw himself back into the cushions and I would do the same. A woman sitting behind me was laughing and told me how cute he was. Finally he got down off the chair and started rolling his matchbox car along the windowsill.

Later on we went to Wal-Mart and found an enormous display full of thousands of matchbox cars. We had hit the motherload. He picked out a couple, payed for them and walked out to find the police surrounding an enormous (tall and muscular, not fat) woman. We had seen her earlier in the store going up to a register with a Compaq computer to buy. I remember thinking that I would never have bought the one she was putting in her cart. As we were walking by I could hear her saying that she had not tried to pass a bad check. The last thing I heard was the police asking her if she had ID that matched the name on the checks. My son was more interested in the police cars. I don't think he noticed anything else.

We went to get some ice cream to finish out the day. He decided that he wanted to use the spoon and eat it himself. Occasionally he'd get an enormous spoonful that did not have a chance in hell of fitting in his mouth. Those would go to Daddy. After the ice cream we watched the Ms. Pac-man video demo again. He absolutely loves watching that, especially when we count the ghosts and say "Go!" when the actual demo starts. We make a chomping sound when Ms. Pac-man gets one of the Ghosts after eating a power pill and he laughs and laughs. I stuck a quarter in and we played. He watched me play for about half a minute then he wanted to do it. It was one hell of a lot of fun to watch him - he'd shake the joystick back and forth while watching Ms. Pac-man move. I'd help him a little by moving him left or right so it would last a little longer.

When I dropped him off he was raring to go - he started running around the parking lot laughing. Definitely still on the sugar high. He was still happy when I left and waved goodbye to me.

So I've been eating (yes my food arrived, my favorite, Thai) and typing. I definitely feel better but not my normal self. If only I had ice cream. Why don't ice cream places deliver?