Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Angry Isn't A Strong Enough Word...

I went down to visit my son today. It’s a very sore spot for me this week because my STBX is away at training for her new job. I’m very annoyed because she made arrangements for my son to be taken care of by the daycare provider for the week and didn’t tell me any of this until it was too late to do anything about it. At the time she told me there would not have been enough time to go to court and force her to let me take him for the week. I am so very angry about this.

When I got there the woman who runs the daycare called him, and asked him “guess who’s here?” He came tearing around the corner and saw me, broke out into a huge smile and ran over to me. He started pointing out all kinds of stuff and talking to me, he couldn’t get enough out! The woman who runs the daycare is really impressive. She’s done a wonderful job bonding with him and getting him to do things he doesn’t like to do, like wear a hat.

As I drove out of the driveway, he kept up a steady stream of talk, telling me to look at this and that, and laughing, then pointing out something else. We had some dinner and drove over to a good place to walk around. He showed me his cars and we played with them for a while and then went for ice cream. We had so much fun tonight, it was just a great time.

The time eventually came when I had to bring him back to the daycare. This was really hard, bringing my own son back to somebody else to take care of him. As we pulled into the driveway he yelled “No!” and started to cry. He didn’t want to go in, but I didn’t have any choice. I talked and played with him outside until he stopped crying and had calmed down, then we went inside. Thank God the daycare provider is so good with him. She handled the transition very well and he was in a good mood when I left.

I was so upset by this that I cried on the way home. Why would she do something like this? How could she put him in this kind of situation, forcing him to stay at a daycare provider instead of me when she’s away. I would never be so cruel to her if the positions were reversed. I haven’t heard from my attorney since the last phone call despite the messages I’ve left. You can bet I’m going to have some choice words for her when I talk to her.

Of all the things I’m dealing with right now, this is the hardest. He is far more important to me than anything else, and it’s so hard being separated from him like this. I’ve done everything I could to make this go smoothly, despite the constant stream of problems I’ve been handed by her and her attorney. I’m at the end of my patience. I’ve forced myself not to be angry at her because I know a lot of the problems are a result of her mental illness. I’ve put myself in a very precarious financial position giving her extra money for far longer than I needed to just because I wanted to be responsible about supporting my son. I haven’t gone out of my way to cause her problems, though I’ve had several opportunities. I can see now that I’ve been too nice. I wouldn’t change a lot of what I’ve done, but it’s time to be more selfish about my son’s life and my own. It’s time for the nonsense to come to a screeching halt.