Monday, May 30, 2005

Another Day, Another Antic

Today was another banner day in terms of dealing with the STBX. Due to a wedding I agreed to switch days and see my son today. I don’t have a problem switching days, especially for this kind of reason. Sooner or later I’ll need to switch myself. I picked him up in the morning and we headed out. We went to the park, got something to eat, and eventually he took a nap. It was a pretty decent day, although the cold he has had him coughing. Eventually it was time to go back.

I pulled into the parking lot of the condo complex to find a big surprise. A huge area in front of the garage was piled with boxes of my belongings. I got out of my car and when she came out I asked her what she was doing. She said that I needed to take it all with me, otherwise she’d be throwing it all out. I told her that under the divorce orders she could not throw any of my property out. She said she was no longer going to be keeping any of it, and that if I didn’t take it she’d be throwing it out. She said she was sick of storing it all.

I told her that she had not made it possible for me to take any of it, which she said was “bullshit”. She told me that anything I didn’t take was going into the dumpster. I was beginning to get annoyed at this point, because what she had piled up outside would take at least three trips to remove. I noticed that a lot of it was garbage, and started sorting through it all – she had gone inside. Once she was inside I went and got my camera and started taking pictures. I moved everything that was garbage off to one side, loaded what would fit, starting with what I wanted to lose the least, into my car. By the time I was finished there was a big pile of garbage on one side and a smaller pile of things I’d like to keep, but wouldn’t fit into my car on the other.

I took lots of pictures, with boxes open to show the contents. Once I had satisfied myself that I had enough pictures I rang the doorbell and told her that I had moved everything I thought was garbage to one side, but the rest she’d have to bring back in, as it would not fit in my apartment, much less my car. She got angry told me that if I didn’t take it today she would throw it out. I brought out my camera and told her that I had taken pictures and would be asking for all these items specifically in court.

Here’s where she went just a bit ballistic. She told me that I had to take it because she did not have room for it. I replied that under the court orders she could not throw it away. She insisted that I come back and get the rest of it, but I told her that I couldn’t. I distinctly remember her looking at all of the stuff she’d have to move to the dumpster (the garbage, that is) as I left. Her last words as I left were orders – come back and get it tonight. She was furious.

On my way home I sent her a voicemail explaining again what I had done and that the court orders made it very clear that she could not throw it out. I also reminded her that I had taken pictures of it all and would be asking for all of it specifically in court. If she chose to throw it out it would become a criminal matter, so if she wanted to take that chance it was her business. I also told her that I’d be calling her attorney to let him know what had happened and to let him know that I had taken plenty of pictures. I’m going to email her pretty much the same thing tonight.

In one of my last posts I talked about how I thought she called the police when one came around the corner. Well, tonight was another pretty good scare. I actually got pulled over on the way home – my first thought, of course, was that she got so angry that she called the police to make up more stories. It turned out that the officer had noticed that I didn’t have an inspection sticker on my car, but once he realized that I was still within the time limits to have it done, he let me go with no problem. He was actually pretty nice. I was again angry that my first thought had to be “did she call and make another false complaint?”.

I’m wondering how much of my property is going to disappear over the next few months. I’m going to start making a list of everything I can think of and present it to her attorney and her.

I have been considering writing a letter over the last two weeks or so. I have been on the receiving end of her instability, and frankly, I’m getting really tired of it. There never seems to be an end in sight to this ordeal. It’s cost me more than I’ve let on in this blog, mainly because I do have to be careful about what I write sometimes. At some point I’ll be able to correct that, but for now there are things I have to keep to myself.

I have been getting an idea of what she’s telling her family and friends about my actions from mutual friends, and it doesn’t make me very happy. I’ve worked so hard not to cause problems, despite the anger, despite all the things she’s done to make my life more difficult. She doesn’t seem capable of trying to be cooperative in any of this. If she had not been so hostile I would have been happy to help her out. I could have taken the same amount of stuff, but I could have moved all the rest of it to the dumpster for her (it was garbage – nothing I would want to keep anyway). When she turns hostile, however, I have to leave. I have no choice in the matter – I can’t trust her not to lie again if she gets angry enough.

The letter I’m thinking of writing would really set her off. I hold no doubt that she’d hear about it quickly. It would have to be quite long because I’d have to explain a lot of things, up to and including when she decided to have me ambushed. I’d have to explain my side of things, like how I’ve had to struggle financially because I went so much further than I needed to in supporting the two of them. How she keeps finding reasons to prevent the divorce from moving forward – like making things up that are later proven false – her stories of my “secret debt”. It would have to talk about her demands that I take on all of the marital debt while she kept all of the assets, how she claimed she was afraid I’d kidnap my son, then complained I didn’t see him enough, then again claimed I’d kidnap him again when we tried to expand visitation.

It’s bad enough that her family has ignored so much already, but she’s also not telling them what’s really happening. At some point they are going to have to do something if she does not get help on her own. Writing such a letter would be very good for me also, but there’s no way I’d do it without my attorney (if I still have one, it would be nice to get a call back from the woman someday) making sure I wasn’t shooting myself in the foot somehow.

I’m probably rambling now – I’m getting tired and it’s been a long, long day. One more thing, though. Whenever I do write this letter, that will be the point that this blog leaves the world of the anonymous, because I’d make it a point to tell her family and friends to read it to see what her actions have done to me. That’s when things will really get interesting.