Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Someday This Will Be A Lifetime Movie

Well, it's official. Today was my last day with my employer. They gave me a decent severance package (I wish it was more, but probably would feel that way no matter what they gave me) and my manager was exactly as I expected: a class act. You know what the worst part of it all is? You never get to keep the company car. It's what's known in my industry as the "Golden Handcuffs". You don't leave because you don't want to go out and buy a car and have to pay for all that goes along with it, like insurance, gas, oil, repairs...the list goes on. So tomorrow or the next day I have to find a cheap car and get insurance. This is not a good time to be looking for a job in my industry. Many companies have had layoffs in the last few months and I have several friends who are looking for jobs with little luck.

My new girlfriend (wow does it seem strange writing that) seems to think I'll not only land on my feet, but end up in a far better situation. She actually helped me redesign my resume (yes, I know there's no accent there, but I'm too lazy to put it in) and it looks great. It's nice to have somebody have a little faith in you. She is pretty inspiring in this kind of situation - she took four kids and went out into the world without a job. Now that's pressure.

I don't panic easily, and this is FAR from the worst thing to happen to me - if you've read this blog for a while you know exactly what I'm talking about. Compared to the Ambush and it's aftermath, this is a walk in the park. That doesn't mean I'm not a little scared and nervous, but I think I'd worry more if I wasn't. I'm not going to think too hard about it tonight or some of tomorrow because I'd like to give myself a little time to think.

I can hardly wait until my STBX finds out - she's going to blow a gasket. I've been laid off once before, and it was a lot worse than this - I was given about 12 hours notice. They left a voicemail message on a Sunday evening telling me to call in at 10am the next morning. Myself and about 30 others nationwide got that message, all with different times. When we called in we were told that it was our last day. The person telling you this did it on a speakerphone, and you could hear people moving around in the background. Basically they wanted witnesses. We weren't really allowed to ask questions, instead being told that someone would be in touch.

I'd be a little less worried if I had any kind of substantial savings, but my STBX took everything a long time ago and I have not been able to build up again. I've got enough to get by for a little while, I just have to make a concerted effort to find a job.

You know, if somebody had told me a couple of years ago that I'd end up where I'm at now, I'd have thought they were crazy. This time last year I was concerned for my STBX's mental health, but I had no idea what was coming. After all that's happened on that front you'd think I'd be an angry bitter man, but somehow I've avoided that. Now I'm out looking for a job (ok...that starts tomorrow) and I'm still pretty optimistic about this and life in general. I just can't see how I'd be any better off being upset and anxious about it - I'd still be in the same situation, just unhappily in it.

Maybe I should mention that I had several head injuries as a child...