Tuesday, June 07, 2005

More Anger

I made the mistake of watching videos of my son and I while I was writing that first draft. I may actually have a hard time getting to sleep for a while now. The anger that writing out that letter and watching those videos rekindled is probably going to keep me up.

I'm angry at her family, at her friends, at life in general right now. I sometimes feel like my life is in shambles because of all of this. I spent so much time with my son before all of this started, now I don't get much time at all. I miss him terribly, and this weekend, while it was great, also reminded me how much time I've missed out on.

I'm angry at our three (three!) marriage counselors who basically did nothing they were supposed to, angry at my attorney, who recently told me there was some things I could have done at the beginning if I'd hired her to handle the other part of my case. Hell, I didn't know I hadn't hired her to help me with that. She was giving me enough advice then about it. I'm angry at the laws that would allow me to be so taken advantage of in this situation.

This is the time for me to do nothing of consequence, because it's at this time that I'll make the most mistakes. It's just so damn hard.