Tuesday, June 28, 2005

What To Do When You Can’t Sleep

  1. Research Canada. File this under Know Your Enemy. I’ve always believed that Canada was planning a surprise invasion of the U.S. They try to fool us with their beer-drinking and their reputation as a good hiding place for draft dodgers, but I recognize Canada for what it truly is: a confederation with parliamentary democracy. Now if that doesn’t sound sinister I don’t know what does. So when are we going to take Canada seriously? How about when the current regime’s expansionist tendencies can’t be held back anymore and they invade Greenland, endangering the supply of Greenland halibut available to the U.S. We won’t be laughing then. Join me in lobbying President Bush to preemptively protect our interest in Greenland’s continuing freedom by removing Queen Elizabeth II before her Reign of Terror spreads across the globe.
  2. Look for more interesting blogs to read. Failing that, you go to blogs you regularly read and read their archives. Sometimes you find interesting stuff, sometimes not. Did you know that Marie has an army of small rodents she is training to attack on command? At least that’s what I think it said – it was hard to read, the text was moving and there were small gremlins running back and forth across the screen. They were saying something about how I needed to get to bed. Anyway, back to Marie. I’m quite sure the rodents are some kind of Advance Infantry – after all, she is Canadian. And don’t think I didn’t notice LaLa’s post of “All quiet on the home front”, which so “coincidentally” uses military jargon in the title. I spent several seconds trying to break her code, but was unsuccessful.

My bed is now calling me. I may decide to delete this post tomorrow, or maybe add more conspiracy theories to it. I am somewhat suspicious of several Latin American countries, including Rhode Island. And don’t get me started on Bulgaria.