Saturday, July 30, 2005

Stress and Games

I am getting so tired of the stupid little games the STBX keeps playing. Today was not a good day for me in dealing with her. You need to know a little bit of the background on this one. Several weeks ago the STBX came to me with a problem. She told me that she was going to have to go to a trade show for her new job, and she needed me to take my son for the entire weekend of August 5-6-7. I told her that it would not be a problem – I kept it to myself, but I was thrilled. She suggested that I visit my brother again, since our son had such a good time there, but it turned out that they were going to have a full house. We’d just have to have a good time in my little apartment.

So since then I’ve been looking forward to that weekend. Today I get there to pick up my son and the STBX starts acting strangely. She is acting over-the-top nonchalant, if that makes sense. She hands me a piece of paper, and as I read it I started to get angry. It basically said that next weekend one of our mutual friends would be picking up our son at daycare and that I could pick him up for my normal visitation from them. I asked her why she was doing this when we had already arranged for me to have our son. Her nonchalance disappeared in a split second. She claimed that we had not ever talked about it and definitely not made any arrangements. She went on to claim that she would not have because she wasn’t going to be gone the whole weekend. I couldn’t believe it.

I asked her how I would know about the trade show if she hadn’t asked me and she ignored the question. I asked her why I’d call my brother about the weekend if we hadn’t discussed it. She didn’t answer that either. She just kept arguing, but she doing it while laughing and smiling. I decided it would be best if I left, so my son and I started moving towards my car. She followed me as we walked, trying to get me to argue with her. I told her I wasn’t going to talk about it and that we could talk it over by email. I did not want to argue with her for two reasons. I felt like she was trying to provoke the argument because she was clearly having fun with it and I was afraid she’d make more false accusations. The second reason was that I didn’t want to have an argument with her in front of my son.

I drove away, and I was definitely upset. It wasn’t long before my phone started ringing. The first call I made it clear I wasn’t going to argue with her about it and hung up. She called again. She now claimed that I had not gotten back to her about the weekend so she had been forced to make other arrangements. I asked her “What happened to us never talking about it?” She was silent for a few seconds, couldn’t come up with an answer, and just started repeating that I had not gotten back to her. I told her that since I told her I would take him for the weekend when she asked me there had been nothing to follow up on.

She started claiming that it was her job to make sure he had a place to stay. I wanted to say “No shit”, but I refrained. What I did was ask her if she didn’t think I followed up and didn’t know if I was planning to take him for the weekend, why didn’t she call me or email me. I was met with silence. When she finally said something it was to offer to let me take him for the weekend. I’d won.

From the moment I drove off I was choked up and tearing. I am so tired of the constant harassment/gameplaying she seems to delight in. The lies she tells do nothing to make me want to trust her more. She went from claiming that we’d never even talked about it to claiming that we did and that I hadn’t gotten back to her. The enjoyment she got out of telling me I couldn’t take him makes it even worse. Thankfully, my son had fallen asleep not long after we drove off. He didn’t see me crying after the calls as I drove. I was upset because she’s turned my life upside-down, she’s harassed me at every turn in the divorce, and now she’s playing games with my visitation. Of all the things she’s pulled the only thing that I consider worse than this is the false charges she made at the beginning.

My son and I had a good time today and I’m better now, but it’s just another thing added to the stress list. I can’t imagine the amount of exercise I’d have to do to get rid of all this stress.