Thursday, August 25, 2005

The Hot Evil Norwegian Who Kills Goats in Georgia Is Actually A Trekkie

One of the things I’ve tried to do to survive my period of being unemployed is find some funny things to read. One of my favorite reads is The Hot Librarian. Yes, yes, I’ve heard the rumors too. But I really don’t care if she is a 42 year-old man sitting in the basement of his parent’s house…her (his?) talent is such that it makes me blind to it’s (ok, that’s better) Trekkie origins. God help me if she ever reads this and decides to skewer me on her site. I think I’m safe because I’m small enough to go unnoticed.

Another of my favorite reads is Kill the Goat. I always thought she was funny, but she did me the great service of kick-starting the Relative Sacrifice Program. It was a comment left by her which offered to send relatives that led to the Program in its current glory. Because she kills goats I have decided to be very, very nice to her.

I was lucky enough to get in on the ground floor with The Evil Norwegian. Many people avoid Norwegian blogs, and with good reason. However, despite being Norwegian, AND a cat owner, her writing is quite funny. Hopefully it’s intentional. One thing about the internet is that it removes natural barriers, like the Atlantic Ocean, which make it easy for Virtual Vikings to come marauding onto North American Blogs. It’s unfortunate, but true.

The Evil Norwegian told me about another blog, Miss Doxie. She’s a lawyer, so, to avoid lawsuits, let me just say that this is a fantastic blog. Great layout, very good writing, very funny (in a good non-lawsuity kind of way), and clearly very intelligent. I have to be very careful here, because when talking about a lawyer, even a misplaced apostrophe could result in a disastrous avalanche of lawsuits. So, let me make myself clear: Miss Doxie – You Rule!

Watch carefully, because I’m about to launch a new internet rumor. It is my theory that all of these blogs are written by the same person. Yes, the 42 year-old trekkie living in the basement of his parent’s home. In between posts to Star Trek message boards on the ongoing debate of Kirk vs. Picard he writes under several pseudonyms. Fueled by Twinkies, Mountain Dew and the rage he feels when somebody posts a Snort of Derision about his developing theory of Spock as a Messiah Figure, he adopts several personalities, probably far more than the ones I have uncovered here.

I may, in fact, disappear in the next few days because of this post. Trek Goons may show up at my door, throw me in the back of their 1972 AMC Gremlin and take me to a Trekkie Convention. There I’ll be dressed in a red uniform and set loose among the masses. A horrible death… It was nice knowing all of you.

By the way, before my bloody death, you should also check out Statler and Waldorf. And if anybody knows where I can watch old Schoolhouse Rock videos I’d be grateful for the short time before I die at the hands of the Trekkies.