Friday, September 09, 2005

A Pleasant Surprise For A Change

I got quite a surprise yesterday, and it was a good one. I went to pick up my son and he was very happy to see me. The STBX and I were talking about some things and I was trying to tell her to talk to her attorney about health insurance. They needed to figure out if they wanted to keep our son on her health insurance or put him on mine. I am willing to do either, I just want them to figure out which would be better for her. If he stays on hers then she gets a little more child support under the state’s calculations, if he goes on mine she gets a little less.

So as we’re trying to talk about this my son keeps stopping me to ask me questions and point things out. She then asked me about my attorney, since her attorney has told her he’s been unable to get in touch with my attorney for over two weeks. I gave her the basics, saying that I’m going to get another attorney, but I only told her about the one-day-notice calls to me about court appointments.

She then said her attorney told her I wanted to change the visitation and she wanted to know what I wanted to do. I decided that because the current tone of our conversation wasn’t bad to handle it gently and not make any threats of legal action. I just told her that I wanted to put the visitation plan we had worked out in mediation into place. To my utter surprise, she agreed, as long as we eased into it. She also wants to see where I live, which I’m not thrilled with, but I’ll let her if it means getting her to stop interfering with my visitation. She claims that she wants to make sure it’s safe, but in reality she wants to see for herself if I’m living with a woman.

Some of you might remember that she went ballistic after I found a place to live. She was furious, and didn’t seem to understand that I couldn’t live on my friend’s couch forever. She sent me a bizarre email which made an accusation that I had gotten a second phone (my home phone) and that I had moved in with a woman. The proof that I had moved in with a woman was that I didn’t have room for a bunch of furniture and boxes she wanted me to take from the condo. In reality, I moved into a small, furnished basement apartment – I don’t have a lot of room here.

I’ve been trying to get more time with my son ever since this all started. I’ve succeeded in expanding my visitation in small steps, but she’s made it very difficult, presenting roadblocks every step of the way, so this sudden change is very surprising. It’s also surprising in light of the fact that two weeks ago she was making accusations of me “sneaking” my son up to where I live and trying to follow me to see if I was going where I said I was going.

The reason she’s letting it happen is not really that important to me – just that it happens. Two of the most likely things that I can think of would be her friends or her parents. One of her friends is an attorney who has (from what I’ve heard) given her a very hard time about everything she’s done from the start. Every so often this friend will let her have it for something she’s doing – it happened several times over the course of our marriage. She may have told the STBX that she was dragging this out for no reason and hurting our son with her truculence. The other possibility is her parents, who have been paying her attorney fees and lending her money constantly. They may have told her that the gravy train needs to come to an end. The STBX gets very stressed about money and that would have a serious effect on her attitude.

Well, no matter what the reason, it looks like she’ll stop fighting the visitation issues. I’m very excited about this – I so look forward to spending more time with my son, especially with the holidays coming.