Friday, September 23, 2005

When Real Life Attacks

It’s strange to be writing the first paragraph of a post last. I wrote everything else, then somebody (who shall remain nameless) emailed me to let me know they hadn’t seen me post in a while and hoped the road-rager didn’t get me. Thankfully I haven’t seen any more road-ragers. And thanks, nameless one, it was nice to hear from you.

I am exhausted. You’d think that sitting in my little cubicle studying would not take much energy, but you’d think wrong. At night I nearly fall into bed. What’s most annoying is that the stress of starting a new job (even though I like it and I’m happy to be working) has kept me from getting a decent night’s sleep. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and usually an hour before I have to get up. Then I’m dragging during the day and stalking the coffee pot. Especially in that post-lunch food coma.

The new job is going well, but the biggest thing I’ve learned in all my studying in the last two weeks was how much I didn’t know and how much I’m going to have to learn. I can do it, I just have a hard time feeling like I’m not useful. I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement from my new coworkers. Many of them have told me that it’s important to learn the basics in detail now because it will help me later. They also told me that I should resist any feelings of not contributing because it would be unrealistic. All of them have offered to help me if I need it and insist that even if I think a question is stupid I should ask. I’m pretty encouraged by all of this.

In addition, I’m stressed about money right now. Due only to timing, I started in the middle of a pay period, which didn’t give payroll enough time to get me in the system for the first payday for which I was there. So I have to wait until next Friday to be paid (though it will be for three weeks rather than two). Money is getting very, very tight. I’m going to have to borrow some money just to pay for gas to get to work. I spent as little as I could because I knew it might be a while before I was paid, but the high gas prices have seriously depleted what I was able to save. Once I get paid it will be all better, but right now it’s just another bit of stress I don’t need.

I’ve been working out almost every night to help control the stress, which has helped. I skipped last night because my shoulder let me know quite clearly that I’d overworked it. I need to start running again, and I need to figure out a time to do it. There’s a gym in the building I work in, but it’s small and it costs about the same as a regular gym would be. I think for right now I’ll hold off and concentrate on more important things. I can always run outside, bizarre as that might seem.

I’ve heard from a couple of people lately checking to see if I’m still alive, which is very nice. I’m forcing myself to write out this post despite the siren call of my bed. There’s a couple more things I’d like to write about, but I think I’ll have to wait until tomorrow. Call me weak-willed.