Tuesday, November 08, 2005

For Karla

Karla -

Just following orders here. Here are the plans for the "treehouse" I'll be building for your son. Part of your requirements were that I not steal or destroy anything while I'm there, so all stealing and destroying are being conducted in Missouri. Being Missouri, I doubt that anybody will notice that we've stolen the Control Tower from their "international" airport.

I wanted to point out a couple of things for the treehouse here. First, there is no actual tree involved. The hydraulic lifts can simulate the year by year growth of a tree if you'd like, but they're mainly there so the platform can be raised high enough for somebody to be thrown to their death in an execution situation. The cushion, of course, will have to be removed in order for this to be accomplished. Knowing the juvenile male mind as well as I do, I've included some features that your son (and perhaps husband) will appreciate. The Tower will provide an excellent overview of the entire area. When your son is young and in the "Cootie" stage, girls can be spotted and eliminated (by using the sniper station on top of the tower) at a distance that far exceeds the maximum distance for Cootie transmission. Occasionally a stray girl might make it into the compound - the holding cell can provide a safe area to sequester said girl until the extent of contamination is known. As he gets older the tower can be converted tto use as a lookout for any and all parents, especially of a visiting girl, giving sufficient time to get dressed. Should a girl's father possess ninja skills and make it close in before being noticed, there may not be time to get clothes back on. That's where the trapdoor comes in - escape may be made safely in this situation. The helipad doesn't have many uses until the teenage years, when it can be used to ferry in alcohol from neighboring areas in bulk. I have labeled the sky and ground so that, even in your normal drunken state, the plans may be read with ease.

Construction can start as soon as perimeter fencing has been set up. Posted by Picasa