Tuesday, November 15, 2005

More Dates

Time is a commodity in short supply for me right now. The last few days have been pretty interesting, however. I got a call last night from a friend who was one of our (the Ex and I) mutual friends. From what I understand, she was one of the few people who would take her calls, until this last weekend. It's been brewing for a while. She'd told me in the past that the Ex was driving her crazy, but she didn't want to cut off contact. No longer. The last straw came this last weekend. The Ex called her and started complaining, and she'd finally had enough. She started pushing back on the Ex's complaints, and the Ex lost it on her. The last straw was actually over a birthday gift. The Ex basically told her that she'd sent out a batch of vitamins to her for her birthday, but that she (the Ex) was only covering part of the cost. Our friend was being told that she had to pay for some of her own (unasked for) birthday present. She should send the check out soon. Well, as you can imagine, she (my friend) was not too happy with this. My friend ended up telling the Ex off in this argument, and compared some of the Ex's behavior with the Ex's mother's. My Ex's mother is a paranoid schizophrenic who was committed for a while, and this is a very sore spot for the Ex. She has no problem criticizing and condemning her mother, but if somebody points out that she's doing the same types of things, she gets extremely defensive. I was told that I am a constant source of suspicion for the Ex, and this last argument was no exception. One comment I thought was particularly interesting was that the Ex claimed that she suspected I was seeing women. My friend told her "So what?" The Ex seemed to feel that if I was dating somebody that it was some kind of "cheating" situation with her. My friend warned me to never, NEVER mention that I was dating to the Ex.

Speaking of dating... The second date went really well. We went to a furniture store. We were there for about four hours. Sound exciting? Well, this particular furniture store has an ice cream shop, a Fuddruckers (which will actually open next month), a trapeze school and an IMAX Theater. We went and saw the third Harry Potter movie there. The third date also went well - she invited me over to her house for dinner, but we ended up ordering out instead of cooking it, and that turned out to be a great idea. There's a Thai restaurant right down the road, and it turned out to be fantastic. She hadn't had Thai before - I have now made a convert. We're going to get together again tomorrow night for dinner again and maybe to watch a movie. It's nice to be dating again. Although I've been on my own for over a year and have dated a couple of women I still find that my behavior has still not returned to normal. It's really strange that during my marriage I never noticed how the Ex's paranoia was affecting me. For example, I find I still worry about talking to women (any women) when I'm out with a woman. The Ex, if I spoke in any way to a woman, suspected that the woman and I were having an affair. Once, while taking a walk through the center of town, a woman pulled up next to the Ex and I and asked for directions. I gave her the directions and she drove off. The Ex, furious, was sure that the woman and I were having an affair, and that I'd arranged to meet her there. Her asking for directions was just our cover so that we could see each other. This wasn't really jealousy, it was paranoia. She honestly didn't see any flaw in this accusation. As a result of things like this, I tense up slightly if I have to talk to a woman, half expecting to be flayed alive by my date. I'll suddenly realize that my date isn't going to get upset at me for saying "Thank you" to the woman who sold me the movie tickets and relax. Someday I hope that behavior will completely disappear.